What's On TV

-Seems those knobshines who report for the shirt-and-tie major regular media in this town don't seem to know my political-bent ass from a hole in the ground. Fock 'em.

What the hell, whenever national Tom, Dick or Dickless blow into town with a couple million bucks in their pocket to announce at a luncheon that they want to be president so that they're better-able to do favors for their rich-fock cronies, our TV News Friends can't break their necks fast enough to get a crew together to report from the scene; but when a local guy like me with no pot to pee in shows up somewheres to announce his historic intention to get elected to a couple, three offices, all on one ballot so as to better serve the workingman and those who'd like to be a workingman if they could only find a focking job, the hair-sprayed camera-ready "journalists" are nowhere to be seen.

Mr. Kumbalek Goes To Town

I'm Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain'a? And you bet, my gala big-time butt-kicking 2007-2008 Democracy Campaign For Some Kind—Any Kind—Of Political Office, Whatever You Got Needs Filling I'll Fill It 'Cause That's The Kind Of Guy I Am continues but good. I'll tell youse, the response to last week's campaign stop-and-drink over by the Lakefront Brewery was abso-focking-lutely phe-focking- nomenal. I haven't signed my name by request that often in a short period of time since the last time I declared bankruptcy, I kid you not.

Setting the Mensch Mark

Hey, you want to elect me county sheriff? No focking problem. I can right now promise you that me and my guys and gals when patrolling Milwaukee County's sanctified freeways, highways and cul de sacs what the fock, will be duty bound to sound the siren and pull-over to the side of the road any kind of vehicle sporting Illinois state license plates, whereupon all passengers in said vehicle will automatically receive a three-figure citation—not to mention what I'd euphemistically call a little "discipline session"—for polluting our fair county with their manure Bears-Cubs-Sox sentiments, I kid you not.

Casting Call

I'm Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain'a? So I figure as a bona-focking-fide candidate for public office, I ought to put the "bona" to use and round up some ambitious young ladies to serve as pages, lobbyists, funraisers and so forth for these upcoming campaigns of mine, what the fock. Therefore, I invite all hopeful Fockettes to a casting call at each of my campaign tour stops, and free admission for all who show up, I kid you not, 'cause I'm Art Kumbalek and I told you so.

College kids love Art Kumbalek

College kids love Art Kumbalek
Originally uploaded by Milwaukee Shepherd Express

Click her to check out the rest of the pics from my first campaign stop, because I'm Art Kumbalek and I told you so.

What the Fock

It has been called to my attention that the good people at Yahoo! News have taken an interest in these campaigns of mine.

To the Victors

Man oh manischewitz what a weekend, ain'a? Badgers, Brewers, Packers--big Ws for one and all, including me. During my annual 20-minute session of fall housecleaning, I came up 47 cents richer after I flipped a couch cushion. Viva Las Vegas!

Anyways, speaking of big Ws, you can be a big-ass winner too, provided you swing by the Lakefront Brewery this Wednesday, Sept. 19 (6-8pm) and help me launch my campaign for whichever and whatever political office there is needs filling. Yeah yeah, we'll have a couple, three beers, some laughs, and if everything goes the way it ought to, noboby gets handcuffed and fingerprinted. And if you can't make it Wednesday, there's a bunch of other campaign stops coming up. But one thing you've got to remember: Vote for me and win a ten-speed bike 'cause I'm Art Kumbalek and I told you so.

A Man About Town for the Country

I'm Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain'a? So listen, as a gung ho-slinging bona-focking-fide candidate for whatever political office you've got a vote for in all the elections coming up—president, county executive, mayor, governor, county sheriff, homecoming king, alderman, some-kind-of-judge—I got to tell you's now that it's post-Labor Day 2007, I've decided to get my campaigns rolling but good.

My Campaign Tour

So here's the rundown, as you likely aren't able to read the infini-focking-tessimal type in the small, albeit attractive ad below, but if you want to you can by picking up a copy of the Shepherd Express at one of over eighty million odd locations throughout Cheese-and-beer-land, and while we're at it you ought to come drink beer with me at the following bars, venues, taverns, and locations, what the fock:

Wednesday, September 19 @ Lakefront Brewery
Thursday, September 27 @ Milwaukee Art (Kumbalek) Museum
Thursday, Focktober 4 @ The Nomad
Thursday, Focktober 11 @ Six Degrees
Thursday, Focktober 18 @ Pistol Pete's
Wednesday, Focktober 24 @ The Groove
Thursday, November 1 @ Trocadero