Cripes Almighty

So once a week I'm supposed to show up at some prearranged joint for a couple hours where my campaign handlers force me to drink $2 bottles of ice-cold Art Kumbalek Focktoberfest beer from Lakefront Brewery all the while I'm signing this and I'm signing that while I'm talking how I'm the second coming of George Washington and every other Tom, Dick and Dickless candidate is a loser-ass fockstick, not to mention having to scout the crowd for assembled ladies and gals who may possess the right stuff to serve as a running mate 'cause I plan to run a big-tent campaign and I sure would like it for a lady next to me center-ring under the big-top, you bet.