When I'm Elected

Need a prescription? Write it yourself and then tear it up 'cause you won't need it, no sir. We're going to have way-affordable over-the-counter drugs available 24/7 at every supermarket and 7-11 from coast to coast for whatever ails you. I especially insist on pills and capsulets to help the focksticks who can't keep their yaps shut during the motion picture at the movie theater as well as pills to prevent those knobs from waiting until every single focking item in their grocery cart crosses the scanner and be bagged by the plastic-paper consultant before they start fumbling for their checkbook and wad of coupons. And the pot what-they-call-the-marijuana? You bet. You'll find it in the seasoning section $9.95-an-ounce over by the baking accoutrements. Hey, it's green, and it comes from the earth just like your tomatoes, cauliflower and daffodils, so how can that be bad for you? You tell me.